


Win a Date

by warriorofculture



Category: SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:15:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28749843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warriorofculture/pseuds/warriorofculture
Summary: Mr Krabs decides to use a suggestion of Spongebob's he'd previously turned down: Win a Date with Squidward Tuesday. There are a few alterations, of course, and a winner is eventually determined
Relationships: SpongeBob SquarePants/Squidward Tentacles
Comments: 8
Kudos: 38





	Win a Date

Another boring day at the Krusty Krab, he thought. Manning the register, talking to countless customers who didn’t seem to know their heads from their tailfins, hearing that loud, obnoxious voice behind him in the kitchen… He shuddered. Yep, just another long, boring day at—

“Mister Squarepants! Front ‘n centre!”

A sea sponge burst forth from the kitchen, saluting. “Yes, sir!”

Their crustacean boss moved to stand near the register boat. “I’ve been thinkin’…” he began.

“Yes, sir?” Spongebob kept saluting.

“We need to come up with an idea to get customers to spend more money in me restaurant.”

“Oh?”

“Aye, and I have just the thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Well, ye had some ideas before, when I just wanted to get more customers in here.”

“Right, but you said—”

“Nevermind what I said. Remember, we need ‘em to spend _more_ money here.”

“More?”

“Aye, lad. Y’see, when a customer comes in, what do they usually buy?”

“A Krabby Patty.”

“Aye, and that be a fine sale at $2.99. But we need ‘em to _buy_ more, _spend_ more.”

“Oh, I think I get it. You want Squidward to upsell to the customers?”

“Ye really think he’d bother?”

They both turned to the cashier, who gave them a disdainful look.

Spongebob turned back to Mr Krabs. “…No.”

“So we need somethin’ else.”

“What did you have in mind, sir?”

“A contest.”

“Contest?”

“Aye, ‘n not just any contest. It be a contest to get more people to buy more ‘n just Krabby Patties, and they’ll get a reward for it.”

“Wow!” Spongebob grinned. “What kind of reward?”

“That’s where yer idea comes in, me boy. Remember which ones ye had before?”

“I think so.”

“This one involves winnin’ an evening with—”

“Oh! I remember now. ‘Win a date with Squidward Tuesday’.”

“What?!” Squidward glared at the two.

“Don’t worry, Mr Squidward, it won’t be a regular thing, just a one-time promotion to get me customers to spend more money.” He held up a small wooden box. “Every customer who orders a Triple Krabby Supreme in the next three weeks will be entered into a drawing to win a date with the Krusty Krab’s cashier.”

“But why me?” Squidward pointed to himself.

Mr Krabs shrugged. “It’s either you or the lad, ‘n I figure—”

“You figure people would be more interested in someone who isn’t a kid.” Squidward sighed. “Well, I guess I can’t complain _too_ much; I’m sure the ladies will be lining up around the block to get a chance to spend an evening with yours truly.”

Spongebob was still smiling. “I think it’s a great idea, Mr Krabs! In fact, I wanna be the first one to order a Triple Krabby Supreme and enter the contest.”

“Atta boy, Spongebob!” Mr Krabs beamed at him. “When ye place yer order, put yer name on a little slip o’ paper, then put it in this box.” He set the box on the edge of the register boat.

“Can do, Mr Krabs!” Spongebob saluted again.

“In the meantime, I’ll be makin’ the promotional signage ‘n will have it up soon.” Mr Krabs nodded at his employees. “Make sure ye pay for the burger, boyo.”

Spongebob dug into a pocket for the money. “I always do, sir!”

* * *

Squidward blew out a sigh for what felt like the tenth time that day. It was another slow day, and he was stuck behind the register, like always. He glanced at the box balanced on the edge of the boat. Three weeks had passed since Mr Krabs had started his promotion, and he knew any minute now, the crustacean would be coming out of his office to draw a winner from the entries.

He tried to recall how many people bought a Triple Krabby Supreme but came up blank. He rarely kept track of what the customers ordered, so it was anyone’s guess how many entries were in the box. It was a temptation to open the box and check inside, but he’d find out in a matter of minutes anyway.

As if on cue, the door to Mr Krabs’ office swung open and the crab in question stepped out. “Looks like me big promotion be over, eh, Mr Squidward?” he asked as he crossed the floor towards the register boat.

Squidward shrugged, trying to look nonchalant. “I guess it is.”

“Well then, I’d better take a look at the entries before choosin’ a winner.” Mr Krabs moved to stand beside the box. “Any idea how many customers entered?”

“No sir,” Squidward replied. “I don’t remember if anyone ordered a Triple Krabby Supreme.”

“Then this here be a mystery box now.” Mr Krabs patted the box. “Let’s open it and count the entries to solve the mystery.”

He lifted the lid from the box and peered inside. Squidward leaned over to get a look himself and gasped loudly.

Mr Krabs slowly straightened up, his expression unreadable. “I don’t believe it,” he murmured.

Squidward was speechless with shock.

The crustacean gazed inside the box again. “I just don’t believe it, Mr Squidward.”

Squidward managed to find his voice. “Y… You can’t… Y- You’re not going to go through with it, a- are you, Mr Krabs?”

“I’m afraid so.” Mr Krabs kept his gaze on the box for a moment longer before turning towards the kitchen. “Boyo!”

The kitchen door flew open, revealing a happy, smiling sea sponge. “Yes sir, Mr Krabs, sir!” He saluted.

“Ye know about me promotion, right?”

“Yes, sir.” Spongebob stepped closer to his boss. “Every customer who orders a Triple Krabby Supreme is entered into a drawing to win a date with Squidward.”

“Aye, and do ye know how many customers ordered one durin’ that time?”

“Let’s see…” Spongebob grew thoughtful. “In the past three weeks, hmm…” He held up a hand to count, but after a moment, he lowered his hand. “I remember the orders customers have placed, and… well, I don’t think anyone did, sir.”

“There was one, lad.”

“One?” Spongebob scratched his head thoughtfully. “Oh… you mean… me?”

“Aye.” Mr Krabs reached into the box and pulled out the sole piece of paper that rested inside. He unfolded the paper, revealing the name “Spongebob Squarepants”.

Spongebob’s eyes widened. “I… I was the only one who entered?”

“Aye, lad.”

“Th- Then… that means… I won?”

“Aye.”

“I… I get to go on a date with Squidward?”

“Aye.”

Squidward finally spoke up. “Now just a moment, Mr—"

“YAHOO!” Spongebob leapt high into the air, a huge smile on his face. “Wow, this is gonna be so much fun! I can’t wait to go on a date with Squidward, I wonder where we’ll go? Maybe it’ll be to the cinema, or Jellyfish Fields, or…”

As the sea sponge prattled on, Squidward frowned at their boss. “Mr Krabs, you can’t be serious,” he protested. “There’s no way I’m going on a date with… _him_.” He pointed at Spongebob, who was still going on about different random places they could go, or what activities they would do.

“Sure ye are, Mr Squidward.” Mr Krabs smiled. “Ye agreed to this lil’ promotion, and ye have to honour yer end of the bargain. No matter who won, ye have to take ‘em on a date.”

“I didn’t agree to anything,” Squidward shot back. “You’re the one who decided on this in the first place.”

“But ye agreed when I said it was either you or the lad,” Mr Krabs pointed out. “Those be the rules, ‘n ye can’t back out just because ye don’t like who won.”

“But… But… But…” Squidward glanced at Spongebob, who was now happily dancing around the restaurant, singing about going on a date with him. “But…” The last “but” came out feebly, knowing he was defeated.

“Make sure ye take the lad somewhere nice,” Mr Krabs said. “’N make sure it’s after work; this date ain’t happenin’ on my dime.” He headed back for his office.

Squidward watched his boss close the office door before looking back at Spongebob, who was… nowhere to be seen. What—

“Hey, Squidward!” Spongebob popped up beside him.

Squidward yelled in surprise before fixing him with a glare. “What?”

“Did you wanna have the date after work tonight?”

“Uh… I guess.” The sooner I do it, the sooner I can get it over with, he silently added.

“Where do you want to go?”

“Er…” Squidward looked away, his mind blank. He hadn’t been on a date in many years, and he’d grown accustomed to doing things for himself, by himself. Maybe they could go to the art museum? Was that a thing?

Spongebob noticed the hesitation and smiled. “We could go to a restaurant,” he suggested. “There’s one downtown called The Blue Clam. It’s not expensive, and it’s a nice place.”

Squidward returned his attention to him. “H… How do you know about that?”

“I’ve been a few times before.”

“A… Alright, I suppose we could go there.”

“And afterwards, we can go to the cinema and watch a movie. There’s a new one playing at The Reef that I haven’t seen yet, and I think you’ll like it, too.”

Squidward slowly nodded. “S- Sure, we could… do that.”

“Great!” Spongebob’s smile became a grin. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“Uh, yeah…” Squidward’s gaze slid away again.

He heard Spongebob’s footsteps as the sea sponge returned to the kitchen, and cold dread and apprehension began to creep over him. How did I even get into this mess? He asked himself. Of all the crazy things to happen to him, this one had to take the cake. After work, he’d be going on a date, an actual _date_ , with the person he despised the most.

Why?

All because of Mr Krabs’ stupid contest.

It was enough to make him want to curl up into a ball and cry.

* * *

He watched as Mr Krabs flipped the “Open” sign to “Closed” before approaching the register. The crustacean smiled at him. “I’ll count down the till, so ye can go ahead and leave.”

“Leave…” Squidward was uncertain why his boss was being so generous, then remembered what he was supposed to do. Heat rose in his face as he stepped out of the register boat. “B- But shouldn’t I stay? In case…” He wracked his mind for an excuse. “I- In case the register’s short.”

Mr Krabs shook his head. “I know ye run me register very well, Mr Squidward. Go on and have fun with Spongebob.” He glanced at the kitchen. “Boyo! Ye done in there?”

“Almost, sir!” came the response. “Make sure Squidward doesn’t leave without me!”

“Ye heard the lad.” Mr Krabs’ smile was a mischievous one.

Squidward gulped, his earlier apprehension returning. He knew it was better to do it right away to get it over with, but why did it even have to happen in the first place? Why did Krabs come up with this stupid promotion, anyway?

Then he remembered: the promotion was Spongebob’s idea.

He frowned. Of _course_ it was Spongebob’s idea; everything came back around to him. It was probably his idea to not have any customers order a Triple Krabby Supreme, just so he could win. It was devious, but something he wouldn’t put past the sea sponge.

No, wait.

He backtracked his thinking, recalling recent conversations.

Spongebob had come up with the idea several months ago as a gimmick to get in more customers. Mr Krabs had shot down the idea as soon as it was said. Krabs himself later decided to use the idea, but as a one-time promotion instead of a weekly contest, as was originally suggested. When the promotion ended, Spongebob had expressed bewilderment at no customers ordering the bigger burger, then genuine shock and later elation at having won. Spongebob wasn’t one to fake emotions, and even Squidward could tell there was nothing sinister behind the series of events.

Like it or not, this was all pure coincidence.

“Squidward?”

He sighed in defeat. He knew exactly who that voice belonged to. “Let’s go, Spongebob,” he mumbled, trudging towards the door.

“Yay!” Spongebob wore a big smile as he followed the octopus outside.

“Have fun, ye two!” Mr Krabs called after them.

The two walked together in silence for a few minutes before Spongebob spoke up. “Isn’t this exciting?” he gushed.

“No.”

“I can’t believe I actually won the contest!” Spongebob seemed to not have heard him. “Well, I know it was by default, but still! And of all things, I won the chance to go on a date with you, Squidward! It’s almost too good to be true!”

“I wish it wasn’t,” Squidward muttered, wishing time would go by faster.

Spongebob was quiet for a moment. “…Is it bothering you that much?” he asked, his voice much softer.

“Yes, it is,” Squidward snapped. “You know how I feel about you, and now, not only do we have to spend time after work together, but it’s for a _date_? I just want to go home and forget about the whole thing.”

Spongebob stopped walking; Squidward continued for a few feet before stopping as well. “I… I’m sorry you feel that way.” Spongebob lowered his gaze. “If you want, we can just go home and tell Mr Krabs we went on the date. He’s not watching us or anything, so he won’t know any better.”

Squidward sighed. He didn’t like hearing Spongebob sounding so subdued; it just didn’t seem right. “No, we’ll go on the date. It was part of the rules, and like Mr Krabs said, I agreed to them. You did your part with properly entering, so I’ll do my part by fulfilling the prize.”

“Really?” Spongebob looked up at him.

“…Really.”

Spongebob smiled again. “Thanks, Squidward, you’re a true friend.”

The octopus didn’t reply as they resumed walking. He was certain Spongebob thought his silence was due to not needing to say anything, or perhaps because he didn’t view them as friends, but he knew the truth.

He didn’t know what to say.

* * *

At the Blue Clam, Spongebob and Squidward were seated at a table and their orders were taken. Neither spoke much until their appetisers arrived and they ate on them a bit.

Spongebob was the first to speak. “What do you think of this place so far?”

Squidward, his mouth full, glanced around. Spongebob was right – the restaurant wasn’t too fancy but also wasn’t too cheap. It seemed to be an ideal middle ground for those who just wanted a decent dining experience without having to pay exorbitant prices. He swallowed before answering, “It’s… nice.”

Spongebob nodded, smiling. “The prices aren’t bad, either. If you’d like, I can pay my part of the bill.”

“N- No, it’s okay. If I were taking anyone else on a date, I’d pay for the whole thing myself. So just order whatever you’d like, and I’ll take care of the financial part.”

“Alright, and thank you, Squidward.”

“Don’t mention it.” Squidward looked down at his appetiser, which was a small bowl of kelp salad. He’d been eating some of it, and it had tasted good, but now… He realised all he could think about was the fact that he was on a date for the first time in who-knows-how-many years, and of all people, it was with Spongebob. It was crazy, thinking how quickly the day had spiralled far out of his control, but at the same time…

Across the table from him, Spongebob sat quietly, munching on his own salad. At first, the sea sponge was ecstatic about winning the contest, but for some reason, the elation had ebbed when he noticed Squidward’s reluctance and unhappiness. Now, Spongebob was behaving himself and had even been helpful from time to time. He was also the one who’d suggested they forget the whole thing, but Squidward had refused.

Why?

Why this change in behaviour for Spongebob?

Why did Squidward decide to go through with the date?

“Squidward?”

“What?”

“Are you okay?”

He looked back up. Spongebob was gazing at him with concern. “Honestly?”

“Well, all things considered, anyway.” Spongebob gave him a small smile.

“R- Right, all things considered.” He took a slow, deep breath. “I… I’m okay, really.”

“Will you be okay through the rest of the meal and the movie?”

“I’m not sure,” Squidward admitted, “but I’ll do my best.”

“If you don’t think you’re able to, just let me know, and we can go home. I won’t force you to keep doing this if you’re not comfortable with it.”

He shook his head. “No, I… I promised to see this the whole way through, and I’m not backing out on it.”

Spongebob’s smile was now reassuring. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, Squidward,” he insisted. “Please, just let me know when it becomes too much.”

“I’m fine, Spongebob, really.” Squidward picked up his fork. “Now let’s stop arguing about it and get back to eating.”

“Alright.” Spongebob resumed eating his salad.

As the meal went on, Squidward couldn’t help but wonder about Spongebob’s actions. It was awfully out of character for him to be so considerate and understanding, but he also knew it was a bit out of character for himself to assert himself the way he did. What happened? He wasn’t sure, though it was rather off-putting to realise both of them were acting differently when alone in each other’s company.

No, that wasn’t it.

They were acting differently on a date.

Was that why Spongebob was acting so strangely? He didn’t know, but it didn’t explain his own actions. He’d been on dates before, but it was many years ago; in fact, he couldn’t recall when the last one had occurred.

Maybe it really was why he’d acted differently.

* * *

After their dinner – which Squidward paid for, as he’d promised – they went to The Reef to watch the movie Spongebob had mentioned. Squidward preferred independent films, but he had to admit this one was rather interesting. It had the right blend of action, thrills, suspense and even a bit of romance. When the leading actor kissed his lady love interest near the end, Squidward found his face had grown warm. He’d stiffened when he felt Spongebob’s hand on top of his own, but for some reason, he didn’t yank his hand away or knock Spongebob’s off. Instead, the little hand stayed on top of his for a few minutes before drawing away. It was rather puzzling.

When the movie ended, the lights came on in the cinema and the audience began filing out. Squidward remained in his seat, carefully keeping his gaze trained on the white screen at the front of the room.

“Don’t you want to leave?” Spongebob asked from beside him.

“I’d rather wait till the crowd thins out a bit,” he replied.

“Good idea. It can be tiring having to push through everyone to get outside.”

“Y- Yeah…”

“Are you still okay?”

“Y- Yes, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? You don’t sound like it.”

“I said I’m fine, Spongebob, okay?”

“Now you sound fine.” He could practically hear the smile in Spongebob’s voice. “I was getting worried for a minute there.”

“But what about you?”

“Me?”

“Yes, you.” Squidward finally turned to look at him. “You’ve been—”

Spongebob blinked. “I’ve been what?”

Squidward found himself unable to speak. Perhaps it was the film, perhaps it was the dinner. Perhaps it was the conversations they’d had… or perhaps it was the constant reminder sitting in the forefront of his mind that they were on a date. Whatever the reason, he realised he wasn’t really looking so much at Spongebob, so much as he was looking at those lips that moved, said something. The blue eyes that gazed at him with concern, they seemed to be telling him something else; something he’d never heard before.

His pulse sped up, the warmth from earlier returning to his face. He was ashamed of himself, embarrassed at what he wanted to do. Those beautiful blue eyes that seemed to hold an ocean of their own… he wanted to dive into those depths and explore its secrets. Those soft lips that moved again… he wanted to bring closer to him, press his own against them and taste the flavours that rested on its surface.

But why?

“Squidward?” Spongebob tilted his head in confusion. Ever since his neighbour and co-worker had broken off in the middle of his sentence, he’d been staring at him with the strangest look… no, it wasn’t strange. Well, yes, it was strange for Squidward, but he knew that look, for he was holding back a similar sensation.

Squidward’s maroon eyes held so much longing, though for what, he didn’t know.

He hesitated. He didn’t want to break the spell; he desperately hoped the longing look was for him, but he knew better. Squidward only loved himself. All the same, the octopus had never worn such an expression before, even when looking at himself in the mirror. But now, that gaze, that look, was on him.

Was it for him?

He wanted to know, but he had to break the spell to find out.

He reached a hand up, slowly, slowly…

He touched Squidward’s arm; the octopus blinked. Once, twice.

“…Squidward?” he asked hesitantly.

“…What?” The question seemed to come from far away.

“Are… Are you alright?”

The question, though simple in nature, brought Squidward’s senses back. He mentally reigned in his emotions, took a deep breath. Took another.

“I… Y- Yes, I’m alright.”

“Why did you stop in the middle of your sentence?”

“What sentence?”

“I dunno.” Spongebob shrugged. “You just said, ‘You’ve been—’ and stopped.”

“I… I…” Squidward tried to think back on it and came up blank. “I- I don’t remember.”

“Should we leave the cinema now? We’re alone in here.”

Squidward looked up, then around. Indeed, they were the only two left in the room. His heart began pounding in his chest at the thought of what he could do, now they were alone.

No.

He took another deep breath and forced himself to stand on shaking legs. “Y- Yes, let’s go.”

Whilst Spongebob hopped out of his seat, Squidward concentrated on making his legs move forward, one step at a time. It was hard, but he managed to lead the way out of the cinema and down the roadway towards home. It had been a long night, but the date was finally over, and he could return to his life as normal. Mr Krabs wouldn’t hold another promotion like that again, considering the complete lack of participation.

But why did he feel so disappointed?

Spongebob kept up a light conversation on their way back home – Squidward responded as he should but knew he didn’t recall anything that was said. At long last, they stood before the closed door of Spongebob’s pineapple.

The date was officially over.

Spongebob placed his hands behind his back and dug the toe of his shoe into the ground. “Um, so…”

“So…”

“Thank you for a wonderful date, Squidward.”

A pause. “You’re… welcome.”

“I had a lot of fun.”

“…Me too.”

“R- Really?” Spongebob looked up at him hopefully.

“Huh?”

“You just said, ‘Me too’, when I’d said I had fun. You had fun, too?”

“Uhh…” Squidward was at a loss of words. He’d continued answering Spongebob’s remarks and accidentally said something he hadn’t intended. He wasn’t even sure it could be considered ‘fun’, what with all the emotions raging within him he’d had to keep at bay most of the evening.

Why had he done that, anyway? Well, that answer was obvious: Squidward wasn’t normally an impulsive person, and all the thoughts, feelings and urges he’d had were definitely impulsive.

And not normal, that was for sure.

All the same…

He looked back down at Spongebob, who was still gazing up at him with a look of hope.

And…

And?

And what?

He shook his head furiously. “No, I didn’t have fun,” he finally replied.

Spongebob’s smile dropped the same instant the hope faded from his eyes. “You… You didn’t?”

“No, I…” He bit his lip. Could he be honest with Spongebob? Completely honest?

“You what?”

He realised he was shaking again as he stammered, “I… I… I…”

Those beautiful blue eyes, holding the depths of the ocean within them, gazed deep into his soul, questioning.

The longing returned with a vengeance.

He swallowed. “I… I- I enjoyed it,” he managed to reply.

The hope returned to Spongebob’s eyes. “Really?”

“Er, w- well… yes.”

The smile came back as well. “I’m glad you enjoyed tonight, Squidward. I thought for sure you’d want to give up on the whole thing.”

Silence.

“Um, well, I’d better go inside.” He nodded at his door.

More silence.

Spongebob didn’t move.

The silence stretched on.

“Before I go inside,” Spongebob slowly began, “I was wondering if I could do something.”

It took Squidward a few moments to respond with, “What?”

Spongebob reached up and out, placed his hands on Squidward’s shoulders, then pulled him closer as the sea sponge stood on tiptoe. Before Squidward had a chance to react, Spongebob closed his eyes as he brought their lips together.

Squidward only had a moment to register shock before the dam holding back his emotions burst.

He wrapped his arms around Spongebob and held him as close as possible, pouring out the emotions he’d been trying so hard to keep under control. In the span of what felt like hours, not only could he taste the soft lips – such incredibly soft lips – against his own, but he was also sure he’d begun the dive into the ocean blue depths of those gorgeous eyes that had gazed at him so longingly such a short time ago. In a way, he felt guilty about letting all those emotions go, but he also felt elated at the freedom of releasing them… and it felt so, so good.

At the same time, Spongebob was surprised Squidward had let him do such a thing, but the moment their lips met, he was startled to feel all the emotions coming from the octopus as the latter wound his arms around him. How long had Squidward been feeling this way? Was the longing look truly for him?

All his questions were quickly pushed away as he felt more and more of the love and desire coming from Squidward. He knew his questions didn’t matter, not now. All that mattered was here, now, this moment, this kiss. He knew he’d had a longing to kiss Squidward for some time but had learnt to refrain from acting upon the urge. Now, he no longer had to worry about such a thing; apparently Squidward’s own feelings towards him were far stronger than he’d realised.

Maybe even more so than his own.

Sometime later – minutes, hours, days, who knew – they pulled apart.

Neither spoke right away, but Spongebob was the first to break the silence.

“I’d say… that was enjoyable.”

Squidward blinked. All of that, the long, passionate kiss, and all Spongebob had to say was that it was “enjoyable”?

He couldn’t help it.

He started laughing.

Spongebob raised an eyebrow. “Squidward?”

“You’re something else, Spongebob.” Squidward smiled at him.

“I am?”

“Yes. And if I may be ‘something else’ as well, I think we should have a repeat of tonight.”

“The date, or the—”

“Both.”

Spongebob’s eyes widened. “R… Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“I’d love that.”

“So would I, mister contest winner. What do you say for tomorrow night?”

“After work?”

“Of course.”

“And you choose where we go?”

“Sure.”

Spongebob smiled, his biggest, happiest, brightest smile. “I’d really love that a lot, Squidward.”

Squidward found himself smiling as well. “So would I, Spongebob.”


End file.
